


dont shop

by Shleapord



Category: Captain Marvel (2019), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Gen, Not really because canon doesnt change, Parent Nick Fury, Rated T for language, Technically major character death?, does getting dusted in infinity war and then coming back count as "death", i wrote this for ME it doesnt have to make sense, idk what else to put here, so there
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-26
Updated: 2020-10-26
Packaged: 2021-03-08 20:13:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,543
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27212494
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shleapord/pseuds/Shleapord
Summary: NF: Carol tell me to not adopt this kidCD: DO ITNF: Fuck I’m going to do itAfter Richard and Mary Parker die, Nick Fury adopts their son, Peter Parker. Its basically Fury texting Carol about having a kid, and complaining about what those damn Avengers have gotten up to this time. This was going to be The Aventures Of Fury As Peter’s Dad and it turned into Fury Complaining To Carol Also Peter Is There.
Relationships: Carol Danvers & Nick Fury, Carol Danvers & Peter Parker, Nick Fury & Peter Parker
Comments: 12
Kudos: 215





	dont shop

**Author's Note:**

> Richard and Mary were SHIELD agents so they kept may and ben away from their work and therefore distanced themselves for May and Ben’s protection so Peter never knew them. Just suspend your disbelief yes?

NF: Carol  
NF: Hypothetically  
NF: If two of my agents died  
CD: That sure is a way of starting a conversation  
NF: And they had a kid  
NF: And I don’t want the kid to go into the foster system  
NF: Carol tell me to not adopt this kid  
CD: DO IT  
NF: Fuck I’m going to do it  
CD: :D

NF: Carol help  
CD: I’m not sure what to tell you children are loud  
NF: How did you know what I was going to ask you?  
CD: I know everything  
CD: Also the population of this ship is 50% Skrull children of varying ages  
NF: How do you make the child quieter?  
NF: Don’t say murder even as a joke  
CD: Damn

CD: how was it  
CD: did you cry  
NF: No I didn’t  
CD: liar you absolutely cried  
NF: It’s his FIRST DAY of FIRST GRADE I cried you would have too  
CD: yeah probably

CD: hey fury  
NF: no  
CD: you haven’t even heard what I was going to ask you? Rude  
NF: I don’t trust your ideas anymore  
CD: IT WAS FUN  
NF: WE ALMOST DIED  
CD: WE WERE F I N E  
CD: anyways  
CD: can I be peter’s adopted mom I feel like I’m already parenting him long-distance through you  
NF: we would have to get married to do that  
CD: oh ha nope I’ll be his unofficial mom  
NF: I feel? Offended?  
CD: It’s 5 your time right?  
NF: almost, yes  
CD: pick peter up from robotics nick

CD: tell peter his space aunt wishes him happy birthday  
CD: he’s turning 10!!  
CD: double digits!!!!  
CD: nick?  
NF: busy  
CD: with what? There’s only like, three kids over right?  
NF: that’s three more than I normally deal with  
CD: did you guys get my present?  
NF: carol he can’t get it in front of his friends that’s how we get  
NF:  
CD: What were you going to say  
NF:  
CD: were you going to say that’s how you get SHIELD called on you  
NF: maybe  
NF: anyways we don’t want to scare away his friends  
CD: It’s! A! Cat! Not scary!  
NF: its a space alien who looks like a cat and occasionally consumes people  
CD: just make it a shield agent. Agent D for duck. Sent it on missions with peter  
NF: gotta go somebody is screaming

NF: JESUS CHRIST CAROL  
CD: yes what  
NF: Loki. What do you know  
CD: how the fuck does earth know about him? He’s the prince of Asgard, younger sibling of thor, I think you mentioned thor once. Disappeared a while back but I don’t know how true those rumors are  
NF: yeah yeah how do you fight him and win  
CD: what?? Set thor on him, works most times. Why are you fighting Loki?  
CD: nick?

NF: Okay I’m back so remember your callsign?  
CD: yes, I remember my callsign  
NF: I feel like that was said sarcastically  
NF: I may or may not have started a superhero group called the Avengers and they may or may not be fighting Loki and a shit ton of aliens in new york right now  
CD: and you didn’t call me?? I love fighting Loki  
NF: you’re too far away. The group needs to prove itself  
NF: oh hey the wormhole is gone gotta go find peter bye

NF: hi aunt carol!!!  
CD: PETER!!!!!  
CD: hi!!!!!  
NF: hi!!! Hows space?  
CD: big! Talos thinks that we’ve gotten the last of the refugees so we can start looking for a home planet soon  
NF: I want to go to space :(  
CD: become a superhero first and then you can  
NF: okay!  
CD: WAIT

NF: carol we got a crisis  
CD: on a scale from SHIELD is actually HYDRA to peter got a papercut and I’m out of Neosporin how bad is it  
NF: the first one  
CD: what the fuck  
CD: is there anything I can do? It’ll take me a week to get back at full speed with how far I am from you  
NF: shit. Nevermind. Not sure what you would be able to do where you are.  
NF: fuck it I’m faking my death can you message maria and make sure she warns peter that it’s fake, and to tell him to go to apartment 3?  
CD: of course

NF: update because you’re probably worried even though you would never show it  
CD: dude  
NF: I have peter, we moved to new york, he’s going to a new school  
CD: why are you in new york the place is huge  
CD: oh  
NF: yeah  
CD: how’s peter doing with the move?  
NF: he made a new friend already, you know how he is  
NF: his name is ted? Fred? Something like that.  
CD: wow  
NF: the plan is to lie low for a few months or years. Let the avengers handle things for a while  
CD: I’m still not over that  
CD: you named  
CD: an ENTIRE SUPERHERO GROUP  
CD: after me  
NF: yeah yeah you’re welcome

NF: GODDAMMIT  
CD: what did they do this time  
NF: TONY STARK  
CD: oh this will be good  
NF: BUILT A MURDER ROBOT  
CD: oh my god  
NF: AND PETER IS  
NF: OBSESSED WITH THIS ROBOT  
CD: like in a budding evil villain way or???  
NF: no like in a “wow! This guy created an AI and it’s super cool! Even though it’s a murder bot! But still!”  
CD: the kid is 13 let him be obsessed with the murder bot  
NF: there is a chance that the murder bot explodes the planet  
CD: eh it just b like that it’ll be fine  
NF: I have to stop letting peter show you memes

NF: okay it’s over the murderbot didn’t blow up the planet  
CD: A+!  
NF: however  
CD: great  
NF: the world security council is trying to get a handle on the avengers  
NF: they’re making a contract thing that the avengers will have to sign  
NF: it’s still in the works I’ll update you

NF: Jesus fucking christ  
CD: what?  
NF: you know how I was telling you about that spider vigilante that keeps swinging into buildings and getting attacked by daredevil for talking too much  
CD: yeah  
NF: its  
NF: god  
NF: its peter  
CD: oh my god what and how  
NF: and!  
NF: and  
NF: TONY STARK  
CD: booooooo  
NF: came into MY APARTMENT  
CD: BOOOO  
NF: had the AUDACITY to act SUPRISED to see me alive  
NF: “fury?! You’re alive?” motherfucker I know you knew that  
NF: probably  
NF: and then asked PETER to go fight captain america with him  
CD: BOOOOOOOO  
CD: What did you say?  
NF: yes  
CD: what  
NF: it’s going to be hilarious. I know peter will be fine but I want nothing more than to see the look on steve’s face when peter like, steals his shield or throws a car at him  
CD: you’re secretly evil under all that mystery aren’t you

NF: carol  
CD: I didn’t do it  
NF: there’s a whole ass country hidden in Africa  
NF: didn’t do what?  
CD: nothing  
CD: you didn’t know about the hidden country in Africa??  
NF: you knew about the hidden country in Africa??  
CD: yeah talos did a few scans of earth or whatever he thought it was weird that you guys had managed to shield a whole country, something about it being above earth’s technological level?  
NF: yeah no shit they have magic metal or something  
NF: I think peter might cry he’s so happy  
NF: “the cat man is a magic metal furry. This is the best day of my life” what does this mean  
CD: I’m not telling you

NF: peter crashed a plane into coney island  
CD: goals

NF: there’s an intergalactic battle in Wakanda. We need you here now  
CD: I’m coming

CD: something is happening.  
CD: people are disappearing. Does this have something to do with what’s going on in Wakanda?  
CD: nick?  
CD: NICK?  
CD: Peter? Did you take the pager from Nick? Is anyone there?  
NF: This is an Automated Message. There is an emergency. This is an Automated Message. There is an emergency. Please go to these coordinates. There is an emergency.

NF: MOTHERFUCKER WHAT HAPPENED  
CD: NICK!!!!!!!!!!!  
CD: YOU’RE BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
NF: WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED  
CD: okay so you disappeared  
CD: I have good news and bad news  
NF: hit me  
CD: good news we killed Thanos  
NF: who the fuck is Thanos  
CD: bad news its been five years  
NF: what  
CD: better news peter also disappeared and he helped us kill Thanos  
NF: peter killed someone?  
CD: he’s super nice I’m glad I finally got to meet him in person  
CD: worse news tony stark died  
NF: okay where are you we need to talk in person  
CD: at the ruins of the Avengers HQ  
NF: okay what

CD: do you want to go to space with me  
NF: yes PLEASE  
CD: oh what I wasn’t expecting you to say yes you never say yes  
NF: get me the fuck off this planet  
NF: Talos can pretend to be me if peter needs anything it’ll be fine  
CD: yeah what could go wrong its just a month or two

**Author's Note:**

> I was planning to write a thing where Peter goes to the hospital for whatever reason and I namedrop May but then I. Didn’t do that. So whoops.
> 
> please!!!!! comment!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


End file.
